I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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