im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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