i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
