Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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