I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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