Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So gin and wine won't be happening again
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
