I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think a kid would responsible me up
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
