wat bout pragnant strippers??
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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