If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
