I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
