I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
