He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
