capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
