Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
