i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
