what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i drank out of a bidet.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
