Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Im part way to drunk.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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