EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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