i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
