I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
