I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
