That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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