I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
