I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
