I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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