We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
