you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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