His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
