i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize