I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
