and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
