I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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