Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
