i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
