He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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