I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
