Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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