1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Who died my cat blue again?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
