So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
