Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize