yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
