would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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