When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
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