Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
