What did we do last night that was yellow?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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