where am i from again
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
