I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
