do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
