no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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