is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
