I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
