He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
