You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
