he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
