I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
