I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Randomize
