My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
