Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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