if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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