i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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