yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
