We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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