Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
