ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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