Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
