Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
