I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
