New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
