Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
we're making bets on your personal life
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
