the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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