You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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