She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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