i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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