Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
