I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize