I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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