where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
