Don't you send me to vm
...so i touched it.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
