we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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