I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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