Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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