The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
