i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
