his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
