Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
