he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
