I heard we made out
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize