Pants 0. Shit 1.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
