Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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