drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
