somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
