You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
i think my cat just said my name.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize