I wanna bring you to show and tell
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
