At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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