Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
