sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
