Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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