READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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