just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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