i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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