What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
