he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
