At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
