I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
