dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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